Thoughts This Morning

It’s 6:35 AM December 25, 2009 and I can’t sleep because I have developed a bad sore throat and cough. I am sitting here in our little cottage living room with the tree lit and the presents neatly tucked under it. I have perused the blogs of my children seeking to make connections this morning. Reading of Sarah’s 14^th birthday, cookies being made at Christy’s and reviewing the “Night Before Christmas” being read at Emilie’s by Papa.(which, by the way, he was so happy to get to do again!).

I marvel at all the Christmases gone by as beautiful memories flood through my mind. Where do all the years go? How did I get to be this old and why am I so suddenly on this end of life? Being a grandparent is so much fun and has its own rewards but I miss being the Mom. Praying about gifts, making those gifts and convincing children that what they really want is what I am making! I miss planning the Nativity play and watching everyone participate. I miss the fun of decorating my house so that all can feel the “Christmas Spirit”. I miss having to tell the children that they have to wait until Dad gets home from his paper route to see what Santa brought. I miss “Christmas at Ground Zero” blasting through the house to let us know that they are awake!

I miss all of those sweet, smiling faces as they take turns opening gifts and hugging each giver. I miss the feeling of accomplishment as they are excited about the things I have made for them. Barbie Houses, doll beds, play houses, doll clothes, dresses, and games, all because God helped me to provide for them by helping me to grow and develop talents. I miss praying over gifts that would be impossible to obtain that I knew they wanted and then having the Lord open the way to make it possible.

I am thrilled to see so many traditions carrying on in the family, watching each grow in their own talents and blessing the lives of their children with their own traditions but there is an ache in my heart as I realize that my time is past and I must find new focus to make Christmas what it needs to be for me. It can never be the same again so it must become different and therein is my challenge!

I know that somehow the Lord will help me to grow into this new phase of my life just as he has in the past. It will be interesting to see what next Christmas brings!