Anticipation and reflection

This weekend we are simply staying home and getting things situated so that JJ can come and have a place to live when he gets home this week. It is almost unreal to think that the day is finally coming when he will be back. I want so much for his transition back into the "real world" to be smooth and yet I know it has to be very difficult. To have lived hand in hand with the spirit each day, to put off the natural man, to love unconditionally and to care deeply about people and then to leave it all behind must be difficult. I know his desrire to live that way will be there but I also know the reality of life and how it overtakes all of us. I have had tastes of that feeling before, especially when I was relief society president or certain times when Richard was alive and you just don't want it to end. Invariably we have to come back and be in this world and it feels so odd.

The whole time JJ was gone I never told him that I missed him because I didn't want to distract him or make him feel homesick although I wanted to put it at the end of every letter. I tried to encourage him and express how grateful I was that he was where he was. Last week in my e-mail I finally told him how much I have missed him and it felt so good! I didn't cry when he left but I've already cried knowing that he is coming home. We have truly been blessed because he served a mission.

October marks 2 years that I have lived in Virginia. That seems so impossible to me! Not only have my surroundings changed but my focus and aspirations. I am in a career that I never would have even thought about and living a very tiny, quiet, life that I really enjoy. Dad and I have had time to just spend time with each other and our surroundings and I have had the wonderful opportunity to be with my sisters. Just being close feels nice.

Emilie, Kara,Christy,Ryan and Richard all have birthdays in October and so it is a time of reflection on all of the memories associated with each of them. I miss every one of my children and grandchldren every day. Today Dad was talking to the home teachers about our Oregon home and it was very obvious how much he misses it. It was an amazing chapter in our life story and they were days never to be forgotten. I prefer not to look back and try to focus on today. In the end, that is all we really have.